


Better Than Having To Work Retail

by Weevilo707



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Codenames, Flirting, I might end up expanding on this, M/M, because it was super fun, davekat - Freeform, not that karkat notices, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-10-20 01:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10652055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: Karkat had no idea how his life had ended up this way. One thing led to another until one day he had to take a step back and realize that he was putting on a mask to go beat up assholes even worse than he was.At that point he just had to laugh at the irony of it all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonPaw17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonPaw17/gifts).



Karkat wouldn’t exactly call himself the hero type. 

He wouldn’t call himself a villain either though. An asshole, definitely. That went without question. 

It hadn’t been intentional, somehow one thing led to another and then it all just sort of slowly spiraled out of control and one day he realized he was putting a fucking mask on to go beat up assholes worse than him and leave them tied up for the police to deal with. 

He’d become some sort of vigilante superhero and he really had to laugh at the dumb fuck irony in that. 

He guessed it wasn’t the worst job in the world. There was a disturbing lack of insurance considering the work hazards, but that was kinda par for the course in the current economic climate anyway. 

It wasn’t a very crowded job market either, not a lot of people had the skill set required after all. He hadn’t even needed to rake up thousands in student loans for college either. Just endure years of torment and suffering at the hands of a mutation and society’s cruel lack of empathy. He was gonna do that anyway, might as well take the benefits it came with. 

Really, it was a great job for him. He got to take out the endless frustration he built up over the days on people who actually deserved it, he got to pick his own uniform, it wasn’t _retail._ Hell, he didn’t even have to deal with idiot coworkers. 

“Hey man, you must be an alien because you’re spacing out an awful lot.” 

Or well, he only had to deal with _one_ idiot coworker. 

“I’m an alien because I’m from another planet and not a single other reason, pun related or otherwise,” Karkat grumbled, turning to look at the other boy who showed up behind him. The other _hero,_ he supposed. 

“Hey man the day you put on the spandex suit is the day that you just gotta accept that puns have become forever ingrained into your life,” Redwing said, his namesakes tucked carefully behind his back. In the low light Karkat figured most humans could mistake them for a cape or something, which wouldn’t have been unheard of in their line of work. 

“What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your side of the city doing your fucking job? You know I put a lot of work into making that map for us, would it kill you to use it for once?” Karkat asked.

“What do you take me for, man of course I use your map. How do you think I know where to go looking for you?” Redwing said and Karkat let his head fall into his hands as he groaned. He really should have seen something like that coming but alas, he was a fucking idiot. 

“That was _not_ the intended use for the map and you know it,” he grumbled in between fingers. Glancing up he could see the smug as fuck grin on that asshat’s face. 

“Yeah,” he admitted all casual. Karkat was a goddamn hair’s breadth from spinning around and stomping away from him, but before he could Redwing was pouting at him. “Aw come on Crimson don’t be like that, it’s a slow night. I’m bored,” he whined. Karkat couldn’t even get annoyed at being called that, _everyone_ called him that. The whole hero thing hadn’t been a real active decision on his part at first, he definitely hadn’t bothered to think out a fucking name for himself. So when shit started to pick up he got stuck with the publicly appointed name ‘Crimson Knight.’ 

It was fucking ridiculous and he hated it. 

“If you’re that bored you could go home,” Karkat grumbled, even though he figured Redwing just wanted an excuse to torment him. 

“Well I mean if you’re inviting me back to your home I _guess_ I could take the rest of the night off,” he said and Karkat was immensely thankful for his mask right now because fuck this guy. 

“I meant your own home you blithering feathered fuckball,” Karkat snapped. He should just leave and keep on going over his round. Sure, Redwing wasn’t wrong about it being a slow as fuck night but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least try and make sure shit was safe. 

“Oh, nah fuck that shit,” Redwing said. Karkat started continuing down his route, keeping a feel out for any spikes of fear or suspicious activities around. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest when Redwing started following after him like he’d been invited along or some shit. It wasn’t the first time it’d happened, and Karkat could admit that there were some situations where someone having your back was useful as fuck. He could still be annoyed though, on a personal level. He never signed up for some superhero duo bullshit. 

“So, how’re you feeling?” Redwing asked after several long, wonderful moments of quiet. It was weird to have quiet with him around, Karkat had been starting to wonder if something was wrong. He couldn’t feel anything off around them but it was always possible he was missing something. 

“What’re you talking about? I’m feeling fine,” Karkat said, confused by the rather out of the blue question. He didn’t feel like he was being any harsher than usual with the other hero, they pretty much always bickered like this. Hell, during their first real meeting Redwing complained the entire time about Karkat stealing his color theme. 

“Well that last time I saw you, you got tossed out of a closed window and I can admit that I wasn’t really able to break your fall in the best way possible,” Redwing explained and oh, right. He’d nearly forgotten about that. Karkat just managed to keep himself from rubbing his shoulder where it was still stitched up from crashing through the glass. It hadn’t been too bad, and they managed to catch the fuckers in the end so it was probably worth it. 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Karkat told him, hesitating for a moment before adding, “and uh, I don’t think I ever actually said thanks for before, so yeah, thanks I guess,” he mumbled. Flying wasn’t actually an ability Karkat had, so that could’ve ended a hell of a lot worse if Redwing hadn’t been there. Like he said before, some useful scenarios. 

“It’s cool man no worries,” he said, not being all obnoxious about it like Karkat was afraid he might be. “Shit was boring as fuck before you showed up after all, couldn’t let you die or have to retire or some bullshit like that,” he added. 

“More like you couldn’t go back to not having someone else to shove half the city onto,” Karkat said, teasing him slightly. It wasn’t like he had any right to talk, he’d always done this with the knowledge that if he missed something there was at least someone else out there who could catch it.

“Well I’m not gonna lie and say that isn’t another benefit to having you around,” Redwing said, that smug smile back on his face again. 

“Stop, please I can’t stand the praise. Never before have I felt more appreciated,” Karkat said in the flattest voice he could manage. Redwing was smiling all dumbly at him and Karkat turned to start walking forward to keep himself from getting the same stupid expression on his face. Damn it, he really hadn’t signed up for the whole superhero duo thing. 

He guessed it would fit in with the ever constant force spiraling his life out of control though. 

“Seriously though, you sure you should be back out on the beat so soon?” Redwing asked, and Karkat raised an eyebrow at that. 

“On the beat? What are we old timey cops now?” he asked back.

“Absolutely, also you’re avoiding the question Crims,” he said and Karkat cringed at the nickname. 

“For the love of fuck don’t call me Crims, that sounds awful.” Redwing was right though he was sort of avoiding the question. He wasn’t that bad though, he just needed to make sure to not get into any super serious fights. It’d suck if he popped the stitches but it wouldn’t be the end of the world either. 

“Forgive me oh valiant Crimson Knight,” Redwing said all dramatically, bowing deeply with his wings out to accentuate the motion.

“Never mind, Crims is fine,” Karkat grumbled. “And it’s fine, just gotta try not to have a repeat performance,” he added. Redwing didn’t quite look like he believed him but Karkat didn’t much care about that. 

“Yeah that’s cool and all, definitely don’t get thrown out of any more windows, but seriously man go home, you gotta let yourself rest after shit like that. Unless you got some sorta advanced healing shit. _Do_ you got advanced healing shit?” Redwing asked. Karkat didn’t have any intention of actually listening to his advice, although he did regret shrugging when a shock of pain ran through his shoulder. 

“Eh, I don’t have much of a problem when it comes to blood loss or shit like that I guess, but otherwise no,” he said. Actual healing though tended to go at a normal pace for him. 

“Huh, good to know,” Redwing said, actually sounding pretty intrigued. “Still, go the fuck home,” he added. 

“Fuck no I said I’m fine,” Karkat argued. Before he could blink however, Redwing was right up next to him and hefting him up into his arms. Stupid goddamn super speed or whatever the fuck it was he had. “Oh my fucking god put me down you absolute shithive maniac without any semblance of personal space,” Karkat snapped. He tried to climb out of his arms but nope the fucker was flying now god damn it.

“No can do man, the doctor called and prescribed several more nights of rest and eating ice cream,” Redwing told him. Karkat had stopped trying to get out of his hold because they were starting to get much higher than what he was comfortable with. If he was clinging to the other hero a bit that was his own damn fault for putting them into this situation. 

“Where the fuck are you even going? You don’t know where I live,” Karkat complained. He was pretty sure the speed Redwing was flying at slowed considerably at that. 

“Gonna give me something to go off of then?” he asked. Karkat huffed, but he was pretty sure he’d just be kept in the goddamn air until he gave him some sort of answer anyway. 

“You can drop me off at that corner store on Becker Avenue I guess,” he mumbled. Karkat could feel Redwing turn as he flew but he made a point not to look down and actually see. It wasn’t until they were both back on the ground that Karkat could let out a long breath of relief. 

“Don’t you ever do that again,” he snapped, but Redwing didn’t look sorry in the least. 

“Can’t make any promises man,” he said, which almost certainly meant he was going to try and pull something like this again at some point. “Really though, go get some rest,” he added and Karkat sighed. He guessed it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if he left it to Redwing for another night. He was still feeling pretty sore. 

“Yeah fine, since you’re not giving me any other choice,” Karkat grumbled. Thinking for a moment, he made a split second decision. It wasn’t like his life hadn’t already spiraled out of control beyond repair anyway. 

“Give me your phone,” he demanded of the other hero. Redwing stared at him for a moment, clearly confused before pulling out a phone. 

“Why?” he asked even as he handed the device over. 

“Text me if some shirt goes wrong and you end up in over your head. I’m not a fucking invalid alright?” Karkat said, quickly punching in his number. Thinking for a moment he typed in ‘Crims’ for the contact name. It’d be a bad idea to give out his real one. He probably shouldn’t even give him his number, but it was just to be safe. 

“Oh, yeah sure thing,” Redwing said, taking his phone back. He looked at it for a few seconds before another smile started spreading across his face and he put it back in his pocket. “Okay cool, catch you later then,” he added, taking off into the air again before Karkat could say anything else. He watched until he could no longer see Redwing before turning and starting to head back to his house. It really wasn’t a long walk from here now. 

Karkat might’ve just cemented some sort of superhero partnership. He had no fucking idea how his life had ended up this way. 

Somehow thought, he wasn’t complaining.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave wasn’t the best at controlling his impulsive to say the least, but despite that he managed to make a point of not calling the other hero that night. The good news was that he didn’t have to, shit had been pretty chill all things considered. It was a bit harder to find shit going down without Crimson around to be able to do whatever weird thing he did that let him pinpoint where the action was, but he managed to bust a few robberies here and there, a couple of assaults and shit. He guessed he’d gotten a little reliant on that, since the other hero had shown up.

All in all it was a lot more boring without the other dude around to bother and tease, as well as inconvenient. It left him tempted to text the dude for a distraction during the long stretches of time when nothing was happening.

Of course, if he tried to text him, he’d probably think something was wrong and try to come back out for hero duty.  Even though he was bored that was the last thing Dave wanted. Sure it was a slow night, but people could still get fucked on a slow night with one wrong move. If he wanted to complain to someone about having nothing to do he always had John, it wasn’t like he had anything close to a normal sleep schedule either.

He managed to hold out on the temptation to bother either of them though. When the sun was finally started to edge up over the horizon Dave broke away from the monotonous watch around the city to head back to his place. Hero work tended to be best suited for night, which was kinda shitty hours all things considered but eh, Dave had worse jobs in the past. He could pretty much call in sick or go home early whenever he wanted to too, so that was nice. He couldn’t complain that much about night work either, since his sleep schedule tended a lot closer to nocturnal than most people’s did.

Taking the shortest flight back to his ‘home’ it didn’t take long to get there. As far as Dave was concerned, it was a pretty nice place. Sucked a little when it rained, but the view was good. Plus, living up on the top of some huge ass bank building in a makeshift nest/fort really leaned into the whole bird stitch which was pretty hilarious.

Kicking his feet up, it didn’t take long before he crashed. One draw back of being a hero, even on the slow nights it left you feeling pretty fucking exhausted.

When he woke up he managed to wait about an hour or so before breaking, making himself a chip comprised breakfast and doodling some new comics. There wasn’t much shit to do to pass the time, which was part of the reason why he spent so long doing the hero thing. Shit got boring otherwise.

Shit was getting boring right at that moment too, so he finally let himself give into temptation. Pulling out his phone, he selected ‘Crims’ and started typing out a quick message.

TG: yo yo I better not see you tonight my dude  
TG: shitll go down and you wont be happy  
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?  
TG: oh shit right  
TG: its redwing  
CG: OH. YOU. RIGHT I DID MAKE THE REGRETTABLE DECISION TO GIVE YOU MY FUCKING NUMBER DIDN’T I?  
TG: sure fucking did  
CG: UGH. OKAY YEAH, NO NEED TO WARN ANY FURTHER, I WON’T GO OUT TONIGHT, HAPPY?  
TG: no do you know how boring it is wandering around all night alone  
TG: at least during the parts when youre not punching assholes in the dick  
CG: I THINK YOU MEAN PEACEFUL, NOT BORING.  
TG: I know what I said  
CG: JESUS FUCK YOU’RE JUST AS IRRITATING OVER TEXT AS YOU ARE IN PERSON  
TG: I try and give everyone as close to an authentic dave strider experience as possible no matter the means of conversation  
CG: DAVE STRIDER?  
TG: shit

Well that was uh, not exactly the plan of action here. That was in fact pretty far from it. Like, okay the whole secret identity thing didn’t mean a whole lot to him. People usually had those so that it didn’t mess up their personal lives, keep dicks from targeting family and friends and that sorta junk. Hell, not even just stereotypical villain dicks either, if some heroes weren’t careful they’d find the fucking paparazzo on their front lawn at all hours of the day.

He didn’t have to worry too much about that though. His lawn was like 100 feet down, and family wasn’t too much of an issue anymore for him.

Friends were a little more worrying, but like, 2/3rds of them could give way fucking worse than most of the douches Dave dealt with on a nightly basis. He was pretty damn sure Rose could legitimately curse a motherfucker. The only one he’d really have to worry about was John, that dude might try to joke his way out of an attempted hostage scenario. That had like a 50/50 chance of actually working though.

He didn’t  _ think _ he had to worry about all this with Crimson but like, he couldn’t be all one hundred percent certain.

CG: HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID YOU JUST GIVE ME YOUR FULL GODDAMN NAME   
TG: uh well heres the thing  
CG: YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT  
TG: yeah thats it thats the thing  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR NAME IS DAVE.  
TG: whats wrong with dave  
CG: NOTHING, IT’S JUST SO NORMAL.  
TG: well whats your name hotshot  
CG: YOU THINK I’M DUMB ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY TELL YOU THAT?  
TG: I mean I was kinda hoping for something to make me feel a little less like an idiot in this moment but yeah I can understand how you might not wanna give that away  
CG: IT’S KARKAT.  
TG: wait what seriously  
CG: I’M NOT GIVING YOU MY LAST NAME BECAUSE I’M NOT THAT FUCKING STUPID BUT THERE.  
TG: okay cool thats cool   
TG: kinda is a cooler name than dave if youre into troll names or whatever  
CG: I GUESS.  
TG: yeah

It was starting to get awkward and Dave had no real idea where to go from here. When they were out doing superhero junk they could talk about what was going on there. He didn’t know much about Karkat besides the super hero thing, which was probably what he wanted. Sure, trolls tended to have a lot less family than humans did, but they were also a lot more secretive and shit.

Plus, for all the weirdass powers they tended to have, very few of them actually went the whole superhero route. Most of the ones who did had weird specific reasons for it too. He’d wondered about what Crimson’s, or well Karkat’s reasoning had been for turning to a life of heroism, but he wasn’t tactless enough to ask.

He was real fucking close, but just managed to keep from crossing that threshold.

CG: BUT UH YEAH, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BOTHER OR WORRY OR WHATEVER, I’LL STAY HOME TONIGHT.  
TG: nice yeah dont fucking do dumb shit like going out while youre all injured thats the easiest way to fuck yourself up completely  
TG: youre still pretty new at this arent you  
CG: FUCKING RUDE.  
TG: no I didnt mean that in a bad way just like a fact you havent been doing this for a while  
TG: you gotta be careful  
CG: YEAH ALRIGHT FAIR. I DON’T EXACTLY PLAN ON GETTING THROWN OUT OF ANYMORE WINDOWS THOUGH  
TG: did you plan on getting thrown out of the first one  
CG:… TOUCHE  
TG: thought so

Dave didn’t plan on spending the rest of the afternoon and early evening talking to Karkat. Then again it wasn’t like Dave planned most fucking things in his life. Shit just sorta happened and he went from there. This time ‘shit’ meant one topic leading to another leading them to talking about the gross inaccuracies in super hero movies, as well as the surprising bits they actually managed to get right. That led to them talking about movies in general which led to Dave finding out the fucking Crimson Knight had nearly as bad a taste in movies as John did, which was fucking hilarious.

Dave already knew the dude was pretty fun to mess with, but it was kinda surprising how easy he was to talk to when he started to let his guard down. He hadn’t even realized the sun was starting to set until Karkat was asking him what time he usually went out ‘on the beat.' His quotation marks, not Dave’s.

TG: right shit I should probably get out there soon shouldnt I  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE HALFWAY DECENT AT YOUR JOB THEN YEAH, PROBABLY.  
TG: I can pretend to be at least three fourth good at my job dont even mess  
CG: YOU’RE FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  
TG: youre still talking to me though  
CG: GO FUCKING DO YOUR JOB  
TG: B)

Dave put his phone away with that, eating a couple of shitty snack cakes before heading out for the night. Hopefully it would keep on with this whole slow night thing until Crimson could get back in action. Dave did fine on his own before he showed up, but he was starting to get used to someone having his back in all this. It wasn’t a thing he’d ever had before, and that shit was convenient at the least.

By about 1 am Dave had managed to stop one attempted ATM robbery and get some kid that ended up lost down town after getting on the wrong bus back to his house. The second one was something he could’ve left to the regular police force, but it was easier and funner for the kid for Dave to pick him up and fly him back to his home.

He was heading back from that, going along the route Karkat had marked on the map he made (as much as he teased the dude over that, it was actually a handy tool) when he saw the figure on the roof. It was a familiar one, even out of costume. Dave didn’t waste time flying down in front of the figure, who was standing there like he'd been waiting for him.

“Dude, what did I tell you about not coming out tonight? I guess you’re not in uniform, but I don’t take you as the kind of guy to stand brooding on rooftops off work hours,” Dave asked, and Karkat rolled his eyes. He could see now that he had a plastic bag of what looked to be movies hanging from his elbow, his arms crossed in front of him.

“No, to all of that. No to the whole brooding on rooftops thing and no to being out working for the night,” Karkat said. It was definitely him hearing the voice. His looks were a pretty damn good give away though and Dave liked to think that if he’d saw him the the store somewhere he’d realize the connection too.

“Alright cool, so what’s the deal then?” he asked.

“My movie taste isn’t awful and I dare you to watch these fucking classics and tell me that they’re not tear inducing, heart wrenching tales of fucking passion,” he said, and Dave couldn’t help but smirk.

“You came out here in the middle of the night and waited for me to happen to pass you by so you could give me a bunch of movies? You know you have my number, you could've just texted me,” he said. Karkat huffed, and Dave could see his face tinting a warm color in embarrassment.

“I didn’t know if you actually answered your phone when doing hero shit, just fucking take the movies dipshit,” he said, shoving the bag out in front of him for Dave to take. He did, giving a cursory glance inside and sorting.

“Troll fifty first dates?” he incredulously.

“Just watch it asshole,” Karkat snapped.

“Yeah, I’d do that, but I don’t actually have like, a dvd player. Or a TV, or like, anything to watch movies on,” Dave told him. Karkat seemed to deflate some at that, chewing on his lip.

“Okay, I guess that changes shit,” he said, and Dave handed the bag of movies back to him.

“Guess I’m free from the torment of watching troll Adam goddamn Sandler,” Dave said.

“You could watch them at my place. Before you go out tomorrow,” Karkat said, and that honestly threw Dave. He wasn’t expected that one, but he found himself nodding. Cause like, it didn’t sound bad. Hanging out, mocking his dumb taste in movies before going out to fight crime. It beat lazing about in his roof nest for the hundredth thousandth time in a row.

“Uh, yeah sure. Meet up at like, three tomorrow?” he asked and Karkat nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good,” he said.

“Need a ride home?” Dave asked, and he wasn’t surprised when Karkat instantly started shaking his head.

“Fuck no, don’t you dare pick me up again. I’m not even a block away from my house,” he said.

“Yeah yeah alright fine, do shit the boring way and walk,” he said. “See you tomorrow?” he asked, and it was weird. He was pretty sure hanging out with coworkers outside of work was kinda a tightrope, but eh, it seemed worth it.

“Yeah, sure thing,” Karkat said. Dave nodded, turning to leave. “Oh wait!,” he said, and Dave turned back around, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Okay, so one thing you should know before you come to my house, just uh, in case,” Karkat said, sounding nervous. Which like, didn’t seem too strange. He was sure there was a lot of reasons why a troll superhero would be concerned about having someone over.

“Sup dude? I’m sure whatever it is I’ve probably dealt with weirder,” he tried to assure him. Karkat seemed to take a moment to prepare himself before speaking.

“My human lusus is kinda an international crime boss, so like, just ignore him,” he said, and whatever Dave had been expecting it sure as fuck wasn’t that.

_ “Dude,” _ he said in disbelief.

“I know okay! That’s why I warned you!” he said, and now Dave was laughing. This was so fucking weird and dumb.

“Yeah alright, whatever my man. When I’m off the clock it ain’t my problem I guess,” he said, turning to take off for real this time. “Later bro.”

“See ya,” Karkat said, and with that Dave started up into the sky, going back to scanning the streets for ne'er-do-wells and what have you.

For the first time in a long while, he found himself looking forward to something besides his hero work. It was nice.

Strange, but nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! it's been forever and a half since I wrote homestuck, but I had a request for this and so I got back into the ol' saddle so to speak. This was fun, it was neat getting back into characters I haven't written in so long, it came surprisingly easy, but never forget how to ride a bike and all that. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> okay i gotta thank moonpaw17 for this prompt because it was so fun to work with. Too fun. I might end up turning this into a multichapter fic later at some point. For now though here have some headcanons that didn't get a chance to appear in the fic.
> 
> 1) Karkat was adopted by spades slick after arriving on earth due to shenanigans. explaining his career choice to his crime lord father was a bit awkward   
> 2) dave ran away and is currently homeless   
> 3) karkat is actually really proud of the map he made splitting the city between him and dave  
> 4) dave has killed a man


End file.
